Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just found puke in my bra..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
