Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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