I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
