listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
