I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
