We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
