i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
