her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
