Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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