it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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