You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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