When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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