Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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