im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Life without a bra equals bliss.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
