okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
bring money and cleavage
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
