SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
