He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
