Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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