I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
