im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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