Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
