That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
