You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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