you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
