i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
