So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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