He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
