The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
