I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
