he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
