I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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