getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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