While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
