I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
