remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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