it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
