I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
