i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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