We won't sleep together?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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