He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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