I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
