She's JV to your varsity
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
