You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
