You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
