And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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