We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
