the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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