1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
