I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
