I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
