i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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