Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
