Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
