I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
