If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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