You smell like stripper and shame
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
